Zalgo's Insanity Rage (Sunday)
by LadyTwat
Summary: With Jeeves on his death bed, it's up to his Lord Zalgo to find the cure for the dying assistant. However, with Shadowlurker and the Creepyastas, his sanity begins to hang by a thread... that snaps.
1. Chapter 1

**You may notice this last edition is more story-based…**

 **And a Shed. mov reference.**

* * *

"Out of my way, parasites!" Lord Zalgo shoved the creepypastas of the UnderRealm out of his way and onto the side of the road. He sprinted, holding a bouquet of flowers close to his chest, as he crashed down the hospital doors. The entire lobby stared at him wide-eyed as _The Imperial March_ played in the background. Zalgo narrowed his eyes and stomped past, the staff and receptionist quivered in fear as they stood to the sides. He skipped the lift and jumped up the stairs, the staff screaming as they jumped out of the way before hitting the bottom. Zalgo ran down the corridor, but slipped on a wet puddle and slid down the hallway, knocking into Jeff and Jane like a missile from their mop fight.

Zalgo crashed through the door to Jeeves' room- startling him. Zalgo got up, panting and gave the flowers to Jeeves. "How are you feeling?"

Jeeves lay back on his bed. "The doctor said that they're trying to locate a cure but-" He coughed. He looked much paler and he closed his eyes. His body felt so much weaker, he became the virus' punch bag, and he could barely lift a book. "But… it's hard. The only company who made them discontinued them; the nurse said there's only one left in the world."

The flowers bent over, and started to turn black. Zalgo dabbed his eyes with a tissue and stood up with a hard face. "Jeeves, you're my right-hand man, I will find that cure!" He laid his hand on the bed.

"My Lord, please reconsider," Jeeves coughed, letting out a sigh. "The future is bleak with hope. Please, your time is far more worthy."

Zalgo held his shoulder and smiled. "Not to worry, Jeeves. I am the Lord and ruler of all these scum, I'll find you that cure. For now though," he removed Mr Puggles from his shoulder and sat the cat on Jeeves' lap. "Mr Puggles will keep you company. Rest now." Zalgo left the room, leaving Jeeves with the cat. Jeeves turned his head to look out the window overlooking the UnderRealm. He had a terrible feeling about this in the pit of his stomach, his Lord's anger wasn't good for his mental health.

Outside the massive building, Zalgo stroked his chin like an old, deranged, and senile wizard, pondering on where the first place to look first for the cure. He did not want to return to his palace. Then _he_ appeared in his thoughts. Zalgo narrowed his eyes, _he_ was replaced by Jeeves for the last 50 years- Zalgo did not want to see that old wrinkly skunk face. Zalgo dragged his hands down his face. "Maybe food will help me think…" He mumbled.

A pasta was walking by and stopped in its tracks. "I think you've had enough to eat."

Zalgo's head snapped a full 90 degrees at the pasta. "Are you calling me fat?!"

"No, I'm calling you morbidly obese."

Zalgo's jaw dropped at the pasta's rudeness. He grabbed their head and fired them into a pole, knocking them out. "Rude thunder thighs." He left the UnderRealm, gazing at his sweet palace one last time before heading up to the human realm. He stepped out of the portal, and examined the forest surrounding him. He went west, through trees, his cape flowing with the wind. He came to a hill, and saw a little fawn eating. He blinked at nature's creation. He bent down, lifted a rock and hurled it at the fawn. He snickered and slapped his knee. "Headshot!" His eyes spotted a cabin in a clearing.

He slid down the hill and sighed. He approached the door and knocked. It opened a moment later to reveal a cloaked figure. When he saw his Lord's face, he let out a squeal of delight, his eyes sparkled. "My Lord, you've taken me back!"

Zalgo folded his arms and rolled his eyes. "Shadowlurker, it isn't like tha-" He was cut off when Shadowlurker got on his knees and began kissing Zalgo's feet. "Get off me!" He kicked him and Shadowlurker landed on the floor, his buttcheeks sounding like they were giving a round of applause.

He held the door open and gestured for his Lord to step inside, he coughed nervously when Zalgo didn't budge. "Six million years if evolution for me to fuck up," he mumbled. "Anyway, I have a treat for you!" He grinned and raced to the kitchen, and coming out with a green cake with flies buzzing around it.

 _Through war and famine, I serve and die for my one true ruler, my Lordship, master Zaglo._

" _Zag-lo_?!" Zalgo screeched and Shadowlurker's face dropped in dread. "You spelt my name wrong, imbecile!"

Shadowlurker bit his lip and threw the cake behind him. "E-er, well… material possessions don't matter. What matters is that you've forgiven me!" Shadowlurker held his arms out but Zalgo pushed him back.

"No, I haven't. I need your help, I need to find the cure for my current assistant."

Shadowlurker frowned and crossed his arms. "No way! I'm not helping the competition." Zalgo snarled and grabbed his throat. "O-or maybe I will, heh…!"

Zalgo smiled and removed his hand. "Good, I need you to lead me to some place called the 'Slender Mansion'. I need to see Octopusman and the Three Stooges." Shadowlurker saluted him and led the way through the forest, all while dancing and singing with joy about how his master had taken him back under his wing. The birds singing, the sun shining bright, the fluffy clouds giving way to let a beam of sunshine fall onto Shadowlurker like a stage. He saw a cat and ran towards it, stroking its soft fur.

"Kitty, kitty, cute kitty." He grinned. The cat hissed and scratched his face, he turned to his master with a wonky smile, his eye twitched. "I am blessed."

Zalgo stared at him, before sighing and rubbing his eyes. Lord Zalgo followed his disgrace of an ex-assistant until a grand manor appeared before them, hidden away from all humans. "So this is the infamous hell-hole," Zalgo commented.

They both stopped at the door, and exchanged looks from the ruckus inside. Zalgo opened the door with caution to see the three proxies in their underwear pole dancing while the pastas tossed brick loads of cash at them. Ben wore a thick fur coat, sunglasses and a massive purple hat. He noticed Zalgo and Shadowlurker- his smile immediately dropped and the pastas turned around. Everyone's faces were filled with horror. Zalgo's jaw dropped through the floor, the proxies jumped off the poles and scurried to get dressed, while everyone else was frozen.

Shadowlurker frowned. "How dare all of you! Our Lord and Saviour graces us with his presence and you dirty prostitutes can't even show some respect and dignity for the life he has given to you!"

The door creaked open and Bob and Rake appeared. They both stood still. Rake shook his head and sniffed the air before letting out a screech. "The smell of sweat here is enough to knock a skunk out! I'm surprised there isn't green gas around this room!" The pastas turned red and quickly disbanded in shame.

Zalgo marched forward through the crowd. "Out of my way, vibrator!" He shoved Toby and grabbed Ben by the collar, lifting him off the ground. Ben trembled and whimpered as his Lord's anger began to build. "You, red-eyed leprechaun, and Offender are by far the biggest mistakes I've ever made. In the history of existence, you two have been given more second chances than everyone put together." His six voices boomed through the room, echoing like he was in a cave.

Shadowlurker tapped his shoulder and dragged him upstairs. "Don't waste your time with them failures, let's focus on the now." They were at Slender's office, knocked and entered. The four brothers looked at them, all a little surprised. They walked towards the desk. Trender stopped redecorating as a chicken was in his hands. Offender hid behind Splendor, who snarled at him. That bastard wouldn't steal his wine!

Slender watched the duo sit in the armchairs in front of his desk. "Uh, what can I do for you?"

Zalgo cleared his throat. "We're looking a cure for Jeeves, he's fallen terminally ill, and we are hoping you could give us a starting point for the cure's location." Slender nodded and leaned back in his chair.

Offender let out a sigh of relief and smirked at Trender. "Hey Trendy, nice cock!"

Trender glared at him. "Oh ha, ha, very funny."

Offender walked towards him. "I was talkin' about your shaft." He grabbed Trender's crotch and he stiffened. He could feel everyone's blank stares on them. The entire room was silent, you couldn't even hear a feather drop. Offender smirked and teleported. Splendor looked down and took a large swig of his wine.

Slender cleared his throat. "Well, I remember Offendy talking about some 'trippy stuff'." Zalgo felt his entire body begin to twitch, if he- if he's been using it carelessly, then Offender the Sex Master is going to get gopher shit shoved down his throat. Slender continued, "I suggest looking around the forest. But he might be looking for a partner, he told us that he was sick of blowing up his girlfriend. We still don't understand his cryptic messages."

Splendor staggered towards him and leaned on his Lord's shoulder, the smell of drink assaulting Zalgo's nose. Zalgo didn't realise he needed a gas mask. Splendor giggled. "Hey, you're one crazy ogre, stay outta my shed, okay?" Splendor grinned and hiccupped.

"Uh, yeah…"

"G-great, Shrek! *Hic* Hey, stay out, okay? Don't go in *hic* shed. And remember! There's four '–tion' rules when living here: concentration, relaxation, participation and anal penetration." Splendor snickered and then fell, clutching his wine bottle.

Zalgo bid the losers farewell and began walking into the forest. Shadowlurker ran up beside him. "So, we're looking for Offender? Where'd you last see him?"

Zalgo paused, placing his hands on his hips. He waited for the realisation to hit Shadowlurker. "This is why you got fired."

Shadowlurker stood stunned like he was tasered in the butt. "Yes." Zalgo groaned and continued his agonising journey. After hours, Zalgo was two seconds away from bathing Shadowlurker in his own shit until a shed came in view. "Do you think we should open it?" Shadowlurker grab the knob. Zalgo nodded, the door creaked open and he hit the light switch. What they saw traumatised them.

The walls were covered in different sizes of baked potatoes, some of the potatoes were frozen having sex, with Spiderman cheering them on. Then some potatoes were posing for nudes, while another motorboated a potato toilet. Some potatoes were jacking off and spanking a jellyfish. Then there was a group of potatoes wearing cloaks and bowing before a picture of George W. Bush and showering him with condoms.

Zalgo looked down at Shadowlurker, who looked paler than a bag of crack. "My L-Lord, look at this disgusting pornography!" He picked up a magazine and began flicking through it. It was Playboy's special edition one-time-offer of potatoes slapping scrotums. "His dick looks like a traffic cone." Zalgo felt chills down his spine as he looked around- what in the name of the Beatles was Splendor up to since he began drinking?! Shadowlurker tossed the magazine away and went into the corner, where two potatoes were making out.

"Excuse me sirs, you're interrupting *hic* photography."

The temperature dropped in the room, Zalgo and Shadowlurker were stoned as Splendor stood there, a chainsaw raised high above his head, with a drunken yet aroused smile. "What did I tell you *hic* hippies about drinking my alcohol?!" The chainsaw growled and Splendor sprinted at them. Zalgo and Shadowlurker screamed, dodged the swinging chainsaw and crashed the door down. Splendor ran after them, letting out Latin chants and gibberish into the air as loud as a billion banshees and cows. "All will hail the potato king!"

Meanwhile, Offender was behind some bushes with his temporary boyfriend, who was gagged, blindfolded and shirtless. The man squealed and wriggled under Offender. Offender snickered. "Babe, I hope yours is a biggie because my hand cramps around small ones." The man let out a muffled scream. Offender had to bite his tongue. "Let's find some buried treasure under those boxers." Both the man and Offender paused as they heard something in the distance slowly close in on them. Offender let go of him and poked his head above the bushes. The man took off his gag and blindfold, grabbed his shirt and ran away.

Offender's mouth dropped open, seeing Shadowlurker and Zalgo run for their lives towards him with Splendy laughing like he absorbed helium. Zalgo and Offender made eye contact, and Offender decided to make a break for it once Zalgo smirked and increased his speed. Shadowlurker lifted up his cloak like Cinderella's dress. Offender eyed his only escape- a river. He made a mad dash for it and leaped into the water. He looked down and saw fish swimming around. "Ladies, please." A fish looked up at him and smacked his nuts. Then all the fish joined in the smacking party. Offender started crying and flailing his arms about.

Then he saw a piranha. Offender screamed and swam with the current, his legs kicking wildly. He was ready to smoke 9000 cigarettes.

Zalgo and Shadowlurker jumped into the river and swam after him. Splendor roared a war cry, shaking his chainsaw. He tossed it aside and leaped in, gaining on them like a cheetah pulling some sick moves hyped up on weed.

The piranha chomped its mouth near his buns, fuelled by the squeaking cheers of all the fish. Offender noticed that the river seemed to drop up ahead- a waterfall! He gasped and began to fight the current, but it was stronger than all his meaty muscles put together. He fell over the edge, screaming as he felt he was falling to his death. As Zalgo, Shadowlurker and Splendy appeared, he crashed into the water.

Zalgo searched up ahead for Offender's body. Just as Zalgo would see a baby on board sign- target acquired, going in for the kill- he propelled himself forward and grabbed Offender's ankles. They both came up to the surface, and Zalgo dragged him to the bank and sat on top of him to immobilise Offender. Shadowlurker crawled out a moment later, coughing. Zalgo grabbed Offender's collar. "Tell me where the cure is!"

"I-I don't have it! I don't know!"

"You lie!" Zalgo shook him.

Shadowlurker came up to them and he searched Offender's pockets. "Oh yeah, well, since when did you have two big ass balls?!" He took them out and shoved it in Offender's face with a smug grin.

"…Since I ran out of space to put my sperm."

Shadowlurker threw the balls away. "Yuck- gross!"

Zalgo sighed, bowed his head and stood up without a word. He left Splendor to care for Offender. Shadowlurker asked where he was going. Zalgo replied home, that he was sick of it all and wanted to get something before spending with Jeeves' last hours. Shadowlurker didn't know what to say, so they walked in silence.

Eventually by the evening, they found their way to the palace- Shadowlurker was in awe at it. Zalgo opened the doors and went into the kitchen. He froze, his mouth hung open- his knees ready to give way like spaghetti.

Jeeves was right there! Jeeves gasped and ran up to him in a hug. "My Lord! I'm so sorry sir, I tried contacting you about the cure they found up Offender's butthole." Jeeves and Shadowlurker looked at each other before shooting disgusted glares.

Zalgo was lost for words. "S-so, he had it this entire time…?"

"He did indeed."

"Oh…" Zalgo eyes remained blank and lifeless. "I… see…" Both his assistants began to get an uneasy feeling. "You know you two, I've put up with a lot. And I think it's time to remind these… ass fiddles their place. And you know what? I'm going to kill every single one of them." His smile grew up to his horns. "They're going to die…"

Shadowlurker stood still- his soul leaving his body. "B-but, you can't do that! You created them, and you've sworn to look after them- you've been doing so well!"

Zalgo let his blank gaze fall on Shadowlurker before letting out a sinister chuckle.

"̯̫͖̞͚͈͒̎ͣ̿ͯͣD̻͇̅ő̱̮̮̗̿͒́ͅ ̜͖͈̮͖̤ͮ͛ͦͣ̂y͚̔ȏ̯̹͔u̹̗̲̗ͬ ̝̦͔͈̠̰͕̆ͫ̋t̜̤̯̫̥͕̭ͣ̅̓̇̅h͈͋̏i͍̥͗ͫn̳͉̲͉͈̤̐͋́ͥ̉́̾ḳ͎̍ͧ̅ͮ̉͂͒ ̯͎̦̜͙̻t͍̙̟̒̒̊h̭̄̽ï͉̱ͫͥ̀͗̓s̼̹̙̩̮̩̏ͨ̀ ̫̦̱̣͓̞̓i̳̞s̪̥͈͓̭͊̈ ̪̹̫͗́̑̈́̐̽̚a͕̦ͭ̈ ͉͊͌͒ͦ͗̍͂p̭͖̦ͥr͖̙̳̓ͯ̊o͎̯̞̳͑̃͂ͣb̞̐͆l̼̮̯̻̠͒̎ͬ̈̇̿̓ĕ͎̗̃̇ͯm͈̹͙̫͙̳̌̽ͫ̈?͖̱̦̲̳"̱̇

* * *

 **True insanity is making a room full of creepy potatoes…**

 **Part 2 will be uploaded as another chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2

Lord Zalgo strolled towards the fridge, humming a song about bloodshed while rummaging through its contents. His two assistants exchanged worried glances- their previous feelings of rivalry gone. Zalgo exclaimed with joy and pulled out a bottle with a skull and crossbones labelled _Potassium Cyanide_. Jeeves stepped forward. "My Lord, I beg of you, please reconsider!"

Shadowlurker nodded. "Yeah, just give it a day to let your mind rest!"

Zalgo's smile dropped into a blank stare and he set the bottle down. He grabbed their throats, lifting them off the ground. "You both _will_ obey my orders or you _will_ be obliterated- _understand_?!"

The two assistants gulped and nodded, cold traces of sweat pouring down their backs. He returned a motherly smile and set them down. "Good, I wouldn't like the idea of tearing your anuses through your mouths. Jeeves, get a shovel and body bag, Shadowlurker get a flamethrower in case things don't go to plan. Meet me in the human realm in 20 minutes- go."

His assistants scurried into the palace's corridors while Zalgo said one last goodbye to the UnderRealm. On time, Shadowlurker and Jeeves were ready to go with him into the forest. The group kept all eyes and ears peeled for Offenderman. Soon Zalgo spotted him, flossing his asscrack on the tree, rubbing his ass up and down. "Gotta be shiny for the dildos." Zalgo ordered for Jeeves to distract him.

Offender saw Jeeves running towards him and he straightened himself. "Well hello there, handsome." He smirked and pulled out a rose.

Jeeves gulped. "Sexual Offenderman I have a… request suited for your talents…"

"Oooo! I'm finally gonna be a porn star!? Can I be Mr Tits?"

Zalgo grabbed Offender and shoved him to the ground, pushing the poison into his shark mouth. "Hold his jaw! He must swallow for once!" Offender squealed and kicked his legs, his screams muffled. He felt a burning sensation on his tongue, and began letting out muffled coughs. Then he choked, no dicks could prepare him for the choking. He felt lightheaded and the faces blurred before he stopped moving completely. No air from his mouth.

"He's dead. He is actually dead," Jeeves mumbled, feeling mountains of shame.

Zalgo grunted. "Come on, we gotta get rid of this body before anyone sees it." Zalgo led the way to a hill in the distance, while Shadowlurker dragged the body bag- nearly pulling his spine out. They stopped. "This should be far enough- get digging, Jeeves."

Jeeves nodded and began working as fast as he could. Eventually, they filled the hole up and Shadowlurker added the minimum touches- a small mound to cover the rest of the body. He sighed. "Why? Why, my Lord?!"

Zalgo growled and grasped both their necks. "Listen here you little pricks, no one, and I mean n͈͍̦̫ͪo̹̯ͣ̇̚ͅ ̭̻͂́̍ͬͩ̽ö͈̮́n͇ͫͬ͗ȅ̋, can ever know about this!"

"What's going on here?" The group turned around and saw the three proxies. Zalgo felt the world crumble beneath him. Toby looked at the scene and smiled. "Totally not suspicious at all." Zalgo blinked.

M̪̱̱͔̪̖̺̟̋ͭ́͟͜Ơ̶̗̙̜͈͛ͧ͐̇̑͐̚R̳͍̺̫̩͚̙ͬͩ̋̅ͭ̍̄̌̆͟E̵̶̪͕̻ͪ̎̀̾̍̏

Without thinking, he asked for the proxies to approach him- as they did, he whipped out the flamethrower and pulled the trigger. The proxies screamed as they lit up and ran around, the pain filling their voices. Hoodie was crying for comfort, Masky tried rolling around and Toby had collapsed. The flames danced in Zalgo's eyes, watching the proxies burn up and lay motionless on the ground. He let out a laugh, deep and unfamiliar, he hunched over on his knees, gasping for air to fuel his thunderous laugh. He turned to his assistants, they were shaking and lost for words. "No one can ever know…"

Trender searched the forest, calling out his brother's name, it had been hours since he heard anything, and now that Splendor was hungover, he began to worry. Trender offered to look for him but no matter where he teleported, he couldn't find Offender anywhere. "I hope he shows up soon," Trender said, his voice starting to shake. "Splendy had the sweetest cake made for him." He stopped and sniffed the air- something seemed off. Everything was too quiet. He was so scared he could let his bowels loose and shart himself, good thing he wore brown trousers today.

He followed the smell, through trees and bushes. What he saw nearly made him puke. Seed Eater, the Rake, the Stiltwalker, Mr Welldone, the Mother and Bob were all dead. In blood the words written on their bodies were ' _He comes'_. Trender screamed and teleported to his bedroom in the mansion, all of its residents were out searching for Offender. Trender barricaded the door with furniture and planks of wood. He got a bubble bath ready- he needed to calm down, to clear his thoughts. He stripped his clothes off and got in, feeling the water heat him up. The images began to flash in his mind- their mouths gaping open in mid-scream.

Suddenly, the wood of the door started breaking down- Trender screamed, frozen in fear as his voice ripped through the bathroom. The door became more undone and Zalgo poked his head through the wood. "Are you ready to accept our Lord and Saviour Zalgo?" Trender let out the highest pitch wail, his tongue wriggling out of his mouth, shaking and gripping his head. Zalgo broke the entire door down and swung an axe into his face, squirting blood on the window.

Ben scanned the forest, looking for Offender. The sun was starting to set, and he didn't like being alone, not when Zalgo threatened him earlier. He was a good Santa's little helper. "Everything will be fiiiiiine," he told himself. He stopped in his tracks, the coldest chills ran down his spine. He grabbed a stick and held it high. "I'm armed!" He yelled. He clutched the stick tighter, jabbing the air in front of him. He was scared enough to let all the spaghetti flow from his pockets.

He saw a bush rustle and he bolted. He heard footsteps break into a full charge. Ben let out a scream, sounding like a French horn being strangled. The spaghetti flooding out from his pockets, he ran as fast as his legs would allow. Ben busted through the door and grabbed a chair from the kitchen. "Sweet titties, I'm scared…" He shuffled back into the kitchen, keeping his eyes on the door.

"Are you ready for Freddy?"

Ben screamed as a hand smashed through the window and grabbed his head, pulling him into the night. Zalgo laughed, tied him to a branch and let him hang upside down before hitting him like a piñata. "Can you feel it now, Mr Krabs?" Zalgo grinned as Ben's body flapped about like he was filled with air. Zalgo hit him non-stop, Ben's pleas growing quieter with each hit. He stopped until Ben went completely quiet.

Slenderman, Splendorman and Sally left the UnderRealm's portal- they went to see Lord Zalgo at his palace but he wasn't present. Nobody could find Offender. Slender had somehow lost connection to his proxies and Trender. Something was up. And Slender couldn't put his finger on it.

Splendor carried Sally on his shoulders, he felt unnerved by the whole thing as well- but that didn't mean Sally had to panic. "Now remember, Sally, who gives us ancient Egyptian bowling alleys?"

"The potato king?"

"Correct! And who places adult toys in the fridge?"

"Potato king!"

Splendor giggled. "I have taught you well." He stopped when he noticed Slender looking at his surroundings, not muttering a word. "Slendy?" He set Sally on the ground and approached him.

"Splendor, come with me… Something's wrong, very wrong." Slender walked away with Splendor in tow, after they both told Sally to stay and that they would be back before she knew it. Splendor had to speed walk to keep up with Slender. "Have you ever wondered why it's been unusually quiet?" Slender asked.

"Is our cousin here- Menstrualman?"

"No! It's something else." They both stopped and listened. Splendor's eyes darted to Slender and he bit his lip. He inhaled and shoved Slender into a tree, pinning his arms to the trunk. "S-Splendor?! Brother?!" Slender gasped, the advance made his buttcheeks rumble.

Splendor hushed him. "I've been waiting for us to be alone…" His round, black eyes sparkled in the evening sun with innocence and desire. "I've been thinking about you, both day and night. I always feel so nervous yet home with you. I've come to realise that it was… _more_ than brotherly love I felt for you," Splendor's soft voice swirled around in Slender's head. Splendor pushed his hips against Slender's. "I don't know if you even feel the same, I don't even know if you like me- maybe you don't like men either. But I've wanted to tell you this, for I can hold it no longer." He leaned into where Slender's ear should've been, his lips grazing over that spot as he spoke. "I'm in love with you."

Slender stared blankly back at him, staring into those wondrous eyes and cute face. He brought his pale hand up to his brother's cheek, the tips teasing the smooth skin. Slender pulled back his hand and smacked him across the face, earning a yelp from Splendor. "The fuck you talkin' about, fool?!"

Splendor blinked before tears started to water in his eyes. Slender groaned and shoved him out of the way, leaving Splendor alone to sob. Slender marched through the forest to get back to Sally, but heard a noise and stopped. Zalgo stepped from the shadows with a grin only a lunatic could hold. Slender growled, the pieces of the puzzle coming together. "I-it was you all along! Where are my brothers?! My proxies?!"

Zalgo chuckled, placing his hands on his hips. "They're serving their punishment for disrespecting me. And if you know what's best, you'll keep out of my way."

Slender's fists clenched. "I think it's time for your reign to end. I'll send you my regards when I sit upon your throne."

Zalgo snarled, and charged at Slender, slamming his fist into Slender's head. Slender stumbled back and revealed his teeth and his eyes. Both exchanged blows, the bruises becoming clear on Slender's pale head, the blood dripping from small cuts and his mouth. Zalgo grabbed the back of his head, holding him in place while he pounded his fist into Slender. Slender launched his tentacles, ripping Zalgo's arms away from him before shoving him back to give him space.

Slender ran towards him, he lifted his leg up to kick him. "Hiwaaaaahhhh!" Zalgo grabbed his leg and swung him into a tree. Slender groaned, picking himself up. Panting, he looked down at his ruined suit, torn up, and blood on his dress shirt. He snarled, and ripped his clothes off with a one scream. Thank god he kept his pants on.

Zalgo blinked at Slender's bare, muscular chest, before sneering, "Ooo, got that from jamming steroids up your arm, Meatyman?!"

"No, I got these bad boys from bench pressing trees!" Slender sprinted to Zalgo and headbutted him, his tentacles restraining his arms while Slender poured all energy to beating Zalgo's head in. Zalgo's roar grew louder before lifting his leg and bashing his heel into Slender's stomach. The tentacles recoiled, the air drove out from Slender's lungs. Zalgo dived to his neck, his hands tightening their grip. Slender gagged and choked for air, his tentacles and arms losing the strength to fight back. His voice changed to a wispy squeak, his vision blackened- his arms hung limp as his mind crumbled of life.

Zalgo dropped Slender to the ground. "Only a few more to go…" He heard the hushed chatter of two Creepypastas he had yet to execute. He smiled and closed in on their location, his smile turned into a grin when he saw them- Shadowlurker and Jeeves. He jumped in front of them- both pastas let out a scream. "Now boys, you've sworn to serve me. Why did you run away?" He watched them cower in fear in each other's arms. He smirked and reached his hands to his cloak. He undid it from his shoulders. At that moment his wings sprung free, making him appear bigger than ever before. He bent his knees and leaped into the night sky- his wings beating the air and wind around him. "Prepare to witness my greatness!"

Shadowlurker and Jeeves broke into a full sprint side by side, screaming as Zalgo flew after them. They both panted, kicking up leaves and dirt in their path, the fear fuelling their legs to continue. "Where do we go?!" Jeeves screeched, the urgency and panic mixed with his voice.

Shadowlurker kept looking forward, his mind all over the place like he was being hunted by a broom. "T-the mansion."

"But what if there're survivors?"

"What damn survivors?!" Shadowlurker screamed, dodging a fire ball by jumping to the side. "He's killed us all! Clockwork, Observer, Bloody Painter, Judge Angels, Puppeteer, Herobrine, Kate the Chaser, the Jacks and Jeff, Widemouth – need any more examples?!"

Jeeves gulped, horrified as if he'd seen someone finger a toilet, and pointed to the distance- the mansion! The two put on their turbo boosters and made a mad dash for the doors, the wind knocking into their faces. The duo bursted through the doors, gasping for air. There were only four survivors left, Splendorman, Sally, Smile Dog and Jane. Shadowlurker leaned on his knees, coughing. "Everyone get the hell out! Stay hidden in the trees." Shadowlurker ran to the stairs as the four pastas pushed past Jeeves.

Jeeves frowned. "Where are you going? We've got to hide too!"

Shadowlurker stopped. "No... I am finishing this. You hide with them." Shadowlurker continued upstairs when he heard the door slam shut. He went into Slender's office, waiting in silence for something to happen. The phone rang and he picked it up. "Hello?" There was heavy breathing on the other end with the hint of humour. Shadowlurker gulped as he heard the dial tone, he sat the phone down.

Suddenly the door broke down. " _Hola, amigos?!_ " Zalgo squeezed through the door frame, his wings stretching to both sides of the room.

"My Lord, it doesn't have to be like this!" Shadowlurker backed up, until he hit the desk.

"Oh it does. I refuse to be a punching bag, a joke to you dick riders, tinfoil hat-wearing droolies." Zalgo moved forward. "So long, Shadowlurker." He raised his hand and flung it into Shadowlurker, and held him up. He gasped when Shadowlurker revealed something from his cloak. "W-what are you doing with that... b̗͔̟̎̂ͨͮ̇o̞͕̬̻͔͑ͨ̇m̘̗̑͆͊̃b͍ͭ́̔?!"

Shadowlurker growled, the determination making him smirk. "Something that should've been done a _long_ time _ago_!"

" **Noooooo!** "

The upper mansion exploded, lighting the sky up with orange and yellow flames like a firework on the starless night. The pastas had to shield their eyes from the brightness- Sally covered her ears. They slowly removed their hands and gazed at the ruins and the flames, standing in awe and shock. Splendor hugged Sally closer, stroking her hair. They stared at the destruction for what seemed to hours on end.

Jeeves let out a sigh, turning around, leading the group to somewhere else as the crackles turned to silence.

Sunlight poured in through the window, falling onto the comatose being in the hospital bed. For 5 years, the sunlight reached his still body, locked in a coma, seemingly never to waken. Today was a different morning. Today, many of his creations he had given life to had surrounded him, to pay their last respects before he would sleep forever. All were silent with their heads bowed.

"No, you can't pull the plug!" A hysterical Jeeves cried, being held back by Shadowlurker.

Dr Smiley looked at Nurse Ann. "We must do this. We can't keep living without a ruler. Nurse, turn on the radio, to comfort the assistant." Nurse Ann nodded and switched it to the first channel- Iggy Azalea's _'Fancy'_ was playing. Dr Smiley reached for the life support. Jeeves screamed. Shadowlurker cried. Dr Smiley gasped- a big hand grabbed his arm.

"Turn that shit off." The room gasped as their Lord got up and turned the radio off.

Jeff smiled and stood up on a chair. "Hurray for Iggy Azalea!" The room cheered and clapped their hands together- Iggy had done it! Jeeves and Shadowlurker jumped in for a hug.

Zalgo returned the favour. "Oh, Shadowlurker, consider yourself my assistant once more!" Shadowlurker beamed at him- promising to not let him down. Zalgo sat down on his bed. "So, what have I missed these past years?"

Shadowlurker looked over the clipboard. "My true Lordship, there was a recent discovery of new a species known as 'humans'. They live on the same planet as us, but in another world we've named the human realm." Zalgo nodded along. "We've been researching their behaviour, their activities, and they actually know about us. They have called us Creepypastas."

"I like that name."

Shadowlurker continued, a smile glued to his face. "These humans have grown an attachment to us, and have dedicated forms of 'art' to us. However, there seems to be some disease infecting some humans, they have been named 'fangirls'. We don't know much about them."

Zalgo nodded, standing up and stretching his wings before opening a portal. "Well then." He grinned to his subjects. "Let's give these humans a one of a kind greeting."

* * *

 **And thus came an end to my series. It's funny that this all spawned from sometime in the morning when I was bored as hell.**

 **Anyway, I'm thinking of starting another comedy series, currently I have two ideas.**

 **The first being** _'Slender and the Pimp Squad'_ **where we follow Slender (the big Bo$$),** **and his crack-addicted pastas, in his effort to gain girls off the street against the rising competition- Offender's wanna-be brothel. Slender also must protect his drugs, and Trender goes on a journey to see if heroin is better than cocaine.**

 **The second being** _'Tales of the Slender Family'_ **where we follow the brothers through their stages of life from babies to full grown adults. Along the way, the mother and father argue whose Splendor's real dad is, why Offender won't stop crying unless he touches breasts, and Trender won't stop talking about men. We'll also see if the mother can keep her hair and sanity from all the stress. The perfect dysfunctional family!**

 **I do intend to go ahead with** _ **both**_ **ideas, but I'll leave it up to YOU GUYS on which one you want to see FIRST.**

 _ **So let me know!**_


End file.
